Welcome to our collection of Only Murders In The Building Quotes ! Here, we’ve carefully gathered some of the most memorable quotes and dialogues from the popular television series. We’ve highlighted some of the best moments from the show that will help you better understand its characters and the events that transpire in the show. Whether you’re a fan of the show or just curious to know more, you’ll be sure to find something to enjoy here!
Only Murders in the Building quotes from Oliver
🟤”As I said to Paula Abdul during our production of Hedda Gabler, we’ve got to start thinking outside the box here.” — Oliver
🟤”I’ve had worse injuries shucking oysters.” — Oliver
🟤”No one wants a murder podcast about real estate!” — Oliver
🟤”Oh, my God, the twists and turns of this are unbelievable. It’s like a rainbow crafted by a drunken leprechaun.” — Oliver
“Rock icon Sting is a dog-poisoning murderer. He’s like the next OJ. A hot, Buddhist OJ.” — Oliver
🟤”Sometimes you do have to make a mess to clean one up.” — Oliver
🟤”Stay out of the theater if you want a life. Trust me.” — Oliver
🟤”That’s really all we want, isn’t it? More time with the people we love.” — Oliver
🟤”This is exactly like Die Hard!” — Oliver
🟤”We blend in by standing out.” — Oliver
🟤”We’re the heroes of this building. Before us, you could be killed in your own apartment, and no one would know it.” — Oliver
🟤”What a terrific god-damned finale this is going to be.” — Oliver
🟤”You are scoring a murder mystery, not DJing a hobbit’s wedding.” — Oliver
Only Murders in the Building quotes from Charles
🟤”A cat never really leaves you, because they transmit parasites.” — Charles
🟤”Even the elevator wanted that story to end.” — Charles
🟤”How was the chillin’ in Washington Square Park? Was it, like, so chill? Did you chill it up so hard?” — Charles
🟤”I mean, you’re insane, but that’s usually who people want to follow.” — Charles
🟤”I’m so on board with this. Because this is how I’m gonna fill the rest of my days with hobbies, and my hobby is solving murders.” — Charles
🟤”I’ve fallen in love with so many dead people.” — Charles
🟤”It’s money time, baby. Payday is here and check is in the mail.” — Charles
🟤”She’s not a kid. We only think she’s a kid because we’re old.” — Charles
🟤”Sometimes it’s easier to figure out someone else’s secret than it is to deal with your own.” — Charles
🟤”We need to focus. Only murders in the building.” — Charles
🟤”You know, I’m thinking of putting myself out there again. I mean, I slept with a murderer! That is a great story to tell on a first date.” — Charles
🟤”You know, it’s a law of nature. Nothing good ever happens on Long Island.” — Charles
Here’s the scoop on quotes from Only Murders in the Building!
🟤”Are you really going to leave me here, all locked up, and not in a sexy way?” – Jan
🟤”As I said it’s a lot. Don’t be here if you don’t like a lot.” — Mabel
🟤”As I said to Paula Abdul during our production of Hedda Gabler, we’ve got to start thinking outside the box here.” -Oliver
🟤”Brazzos was our safe word.” – Jan
🟤”Bunny had a secret elevator? Where does it go, Hell?” – Oliver
🟤”Bunny, you’re a badass.” – Mabel
🟤”Can I just stream it later and spare myself?” — Mabel
🟤”Did the pregnant protege make a pernicious power play?” – Oliver
🟤”Do I wanna break into a dead guy’s apartment and go through all his shit? Sounds like an afternoon.” — Mabel
🟤”Don’t let yourself only love one thing – because if you only love one thing and that one thing foes away, well, then you’re left with nothing. And that sucks.” – Bunny
🟤”Either the killer is in these files, or I’m some unhinged psychopath who goes into fugue states and stabs people. Either way, a girl likes to know these things about herself.” – Mabel
🟤”Embrace the mess. That’s where the good stuff lives.” – Cinda
🟤”Ever since I was a little girl, I wanted to be great at something.” – Poppy
🟤”Every true crime story is actually true for someone.” — Charles
🟤”Everyone’s just so obsessed with my past. Maybe that’s why I love being with you. You’re just new. And you make me feel new.” – Mabel
🟤”Excuse me. I have been dating decades longer than you’ve been alive, and I’m especially an expert at first dates. Because that’s what I mostly have.” — Charles
🟤”For a long time, I felt ashamed to have a deaf son. It ended my marriage, actually. That and, you know, all the whores.” – Teddy
🟤”Gotta get Bunny her money.” – Ursula
🟤”He was alone. Isn’t that enough to make us care?” — Mabel
🟤”He’s already plotting his revenge. I think he’s going to kill me, bury me, dig me up, and kill me again.” – Oliver
🟤”I am riveted. She is so the better you.” – Oliver
🟤”I can’t tell if you’re acting or not.” — Mabel
🟤”I don’t tip. I think it’s elitist. I send out autographed photos instead.” – Charles
🟤”I have to flip the pieces now. All of them. Otherwise, I’ll never see the full picture.” – Mabel
🟤”I just got Bunnyed!” – Sam
🟤”I mean, a murderer probably lives in the building, but I guess old white guys are only afraid of colon cancer and societal change.” — Mabel
🟤”I think our list of suspects just got longer.” – Charles
🟤”I want you to be less mean.” – Charles
🟤”I’d like to point out that when I offered to help, everyone sent me home to get stabbed.” — Jan
🟤”I’d rather be dead than boring.” – Oliver
🟤”I’m a stranger that lied to you a bunch and you’re two randos that dragged me into a podcast.” – Mabel
🟤”I’m a sucker for lonely guys with notable age differences I meet on elevators.” — Jan
🟤”I’m going to stop you before you accidentally say I’m not sexy.” — Jan
🟤”I’m not going to let those fuckers see me cry.” – Bunny
🟤” I’m totally migraining, you guys meet the sea witch without me.” — Mabel
🟤” I’ve broken up with people for whispering loudly in movies or chewing weird.” – Charles
🟤” I’ve had worse injuries shucking oysters.” -Oliver
🟤” If my years in regional theater and wild orgies have taught me anything, it’s that there is no getting rid of glitter.” – Oliver
🟤” Is it cancer? I just need to know how invested I should get in you. You don’t adopt a 20-year-old dog.” — Mabel
🟤” It’s a place that makes you binge dateline so you don’t end up on dateline.” — Mabel
🟤” It’s a very good show to have on in the background when you’re dying.” – Leonora
🟤” Joy is your new middle name.” – Oliver
🟤” Just because things aren’t what they seem doesn’t mean she’s a bad person. Maybe she just doesn’t trust y’all yet.” – Vaughan
🟤” Just because you aren’t locked up doesn’t mean you aren’t still in some kind of prison.” – Oscar
🟤” Like I don’t fuckin’ know Chorus Line.” – Detective Williams
🟤” New Yorkers have a special way of communicating. And by special I mean direct.” – Charles
🟤” Nina Lin punched me. She is violent, and after backstabbing Bunny, I think she might have front-stabbed her, too.” – Howard
🟤” No one wants a murder podcast about real estate!” -Oliver
🟤” No one who promises big things knows what’s gonna happen. But, it’s the ride that counts.” – Oliver
🟤” No. To that whole sentence.” – Mabel
🟤” Oh, I wasn’t aware boys were supposed to be good for you.” – Zoe
🟤” Oh, my God, the twists and turns of this are unbelievable. It’s like a rainbow crafted by a drunken leprechaun.” -Oliver
🟤” Oliver is so deep in my pocket it’s tingling my balls.” – Teddy
🟤” Oliver, I loved our shows. It’s setting money on fire I don’t care for.” – Teddy
🟤” Or she’s a mistletoe, which is actually a toxic parasite. The very plant that encourages to kiss at holiday time can actually kill the tree it hangs on. Little do you know, all that romance is happening under a tree assassin.” – Lucian
🟤” People talk way too fucking much in this city.” – Theo
🟤” People who don’t pay their building fees are the worst. It makes the rest of ours go up.” — Charles
🟤” Right now, the thought of wringing your back really stimulates my root chakra, but it’s probably not worth losing three of my mindfulness badges.” – Teddy
🟤” Sadly I will not be seeing you bassooner or later.” — Jan
🟤” Seventy is the new forty.” — Mabel
🟤” She used the word ‘Manhatty’ and you just used ‘hot goss.’ It’s like I’m watching Squid games without subtitles.” – Charles
🟤” Sometimes a second chance is just to get it.” – Cinda
” Sometimes I like to cry back here because I’m a fraud. It’s a multi-purpose space.” – Alice
🟤” Stuff it up your ass.” – Mrs. Gambolini
🟤” Sweet freedom for the innocent – and justice for all crimefighters!” – Oliver
🟤” Thanks to you we’re getting more anonymous tips than a Penn Station gloryhole.” – Detective Kreps
🟤” The crying is covering the dialogue.” — Charles
🟤” The fuck is this? The Neverland Ranch of theater bullshit?” – Zoe
🟤” These are our proverbial onions, raw and peeled. And yours?” – Oliver
🟤” This is exactly like Die Hard!” -Oliver
🟤” Tim Kono’s death has now been ruled a homicide and apparently one of you jerkoffs did it.” – Bunny
🟤” Two hundred dollars on the Upper West Side will just get me a bagel and a soy latte.” – Mabel
🟤” We’re born alone, spend most of our time alone, then we all go out alone.” – Detective Williams
🟤” What a terrific god-damned finale this is going to be.” -Oliver
🟤” What once was a place of joy is now haunted. Or maybe it was always haunted – you just can’t see the ghosts until you’re close to being on yourself.” – Leonora
🟤” When I was an intern at the Post, Kay Graham have me a great piece of advice. She said, ‘Don’t be too good at a job you don’t want.’” – Cinda
🟤” Who the hell knows? Suddenly it’s rude to tell a secretary she looks nice in a pair of slacks.” – Oliver
🟤” Winnie, don’t stand so close to Sting.” – Oliver
🟤” Women who knock rarely make history.” — Mabel
🟤” You are scoring a murder mystery, not DJing a hobbit’s wedding.” -Oliver
🟤” You know, the sharing of stories is kind of transactional. When someone gives you a story, you owe them one of equal or greater value in return.” — Jan
🟤” You’ll make the right choice. Because if you don’t, well, I know where you live.” – Teddy
“Only Murders in the Building”: This season’s best quotes from Oliver Putnam, Broadway producer
🟤” Also it’s my knees. I just had them done. These are delicate models. They’re Alfa Romeos, not ATVs. I can’t handle this kind of off-roading.”
🟤” But with women, ’12 Angry Women.’ One of the sisters from ‘Hamilton’ was in it. This was years before ‘Hamilton.’ I know what perjury is.”
🟤” God, you are the most difficult animal I have ever directed. And I did a production of ‘The Elephant Man’ with a real elephant.”
🟤” I am so Greek, I could be Jennifer Aniston’s stand-in. I’m so Greek, I could go bankrupt, and no one in the world would help me.”
🟤” I have a bag of Skittles for anyone who stands on the Yellow Brick Road. This is what they used to do with Judy Garland, except it was a bag of amphetamines.”
🟤” I have some thoughts about our show. I see it as a two-hander — Timothée Chalamet plays me, you play Mabel, and Charles is cut.”
🟤” Oh, I know we’re all too cool for this, Mabel. But you know who else thought he was too cool? Andy Warhol. I knew him. Taught him how to play at the Factory in ’79.”
🟤” Okay, kids! Rush hour is approaching and the tunnel will be as packed as Orson Welles’ colon.”
🟤” Or maybe she met ‘Savitch,’ like Jessica Savitch. A famous news anchor I dated briefly in the ’80s. Lived in the building before me. Left me for Ed Bradley from ’60 Minutes.’ Oh, by the way, did I ever tell you the time that I met Steve Kroft at a Korean spa? The man had the most beautiful, firm breasts.”
🟤” The last time I was in a space that small, I had too many Cosmos in Vegas and ended up on stage with Penn and Teller. You know, they were about to saw me in half, and my bladder was so full, so I felt like an idiot .”
🟤” This is my opening night gift from ‘Macbeats,’ my 1991 musical of ‘Macbeth’ starring Vanilla Ice.”
🟤” Well, I, for one, have to sit down for a minute. I haven’t had this much exercise in one day since I directed one of Suzanne Somers’ ThighMaster infomercials. She loved everyone around her to use them when she was getting touched up.”
🟤” You know, when you’re in danger, it’s all passion and sex. But then, when things settle down, it’s hard to know what comes next. That’s why Judi Dench and I lost touch after that infamous ride on the Concorde.”
Verdict
The Only Murders In The Building Quotes have shown us that murder is a heinous act that should be taken seriously and investigated thoroughly. This underscores the importance of being vigilant in our own lives, and being aware of our surroundings. Although murder may seem like a distant problem, we must remain vigilant and take necessary precautions to ensure the safety of ourselves and our loved ones.