Welcome to our collection of Grumpier Old Men Quotes! This classic 1995 comedy film stars Jack Lemmon, Walter Matthau, and Ann-Margret as they bring to life the story of two old and grumpy friends who are forced to confront the changes in their lives. From the comical humor to the sincere moments, these Grumpier Old Men quotes will surely make you laugh and appreciate life!
Best Grumpy Old Men Quotes
⚫“You’re supposed to be smoking filter cigarettes.” – John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“Kids can’t live with them. Can’t shoot them.” – John Gustafson Sr.
⚫“If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I’d have asked for another million.” – Max Goldman
⚫“Ohh, you don’t know a damn thing about me.”- John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.” – Max Goldman
Famous Grumpy Old Men Quotes
⚫“A stroke’s no damn good. You could end up a vegetable! Give me a cardiac any day.” – John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“Did you hear? Someone moved into the old Klickner place? A woman.” – John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“Did you win the lottery, dickhead?” – Max Goldman
⚫“Dirty rat, I’ll show him, picking on people.” – Max Goldman
“Each year comes and goes, and I’m still here. Ha! And they keep dying. You know? Sometimes I wonder if God forgot about me.” – John Gustafson Sr.
⚫“Hold on, I’m not prepared. See, these days, they say you have to do safe sex.” – John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“Nobody slept with anybody.” –John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“There are many fish In the sea, but you’re the only one I’d want to stuff and mount over my fireplace.” – Max Goldman
⚫“You know what Jacob said? Jacob said that old Billy Henchel was killed in a car crash. Head-on collision with a freight truck. Cleared his car straight over the bridge into the Mississippi.” – Max Goldman
Grumpy Old Men Quotes That’ll Leave a Mark on Fans’ Minds
⚫“Hypothermia’s a bitch. It ain’t quick like a stroke.” – Max Goldman
⚫“I got a cactus in my bathroom, but we got nothing to say to each other.” – Max Goldman
⚫“Looks like Chuck’s taking old one-eye to the optometrist.” – John Gustafson Sr.
⚫“Up yours, Gustafson.” – Max Goldman
⚫“We did the horizontal mambo.” – John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“You watch your mouth, you damn Swede.” – Max Goldman
Grumpy Old Men Quotes for Those Who Enjoyed the Story
⚫“And finally, the baby bear looked, and he said, ‘Somebody’s sleeping in my bed, and the bastard’s still there!’ But Goldilocks had a Remington semi-automatic, with a scope and a hair-trigger!”- John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“And these two little guys?”- Ariel Truax
⚫“Gay or straight?”- Ariel Truax
⚫“Last Thursday, I turned 95 years old. And I never exercised a day in my life. Every morning, I wake up, and I smoke a cigarette. And then I eat five strips of bacon. And for lunch, I eat a bacon sandwich. And for a midday snack?”- John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“You won’t even know I’m here.”- John Gustafson Jr.
⚫“You’re trying to steal her away like you did to Mae.” – Max Goldman
⚫“Your old pal failed you, huh Chuck?” – Max Goldman
Grumpiest Grumpy Old Men quotes
⚫“Eat my shorts!” — Max Goldman
⚫“Hello, moron.” — John Gustafson
⚫“When I had my ulcers, I was farting razor blades.” — Max Goldman
⚫“If I had known I would be doing a nude scene, I’d have asked for another million.” — Max Goldman
“You mean the low-life, ass-wipe, egg-sucker John Gustafson?” — Max Goldman
⚫“Up yours, Gustafson.” — Max Goldman
⚫“Oh shut up fat ass!” — Max Goldman
⚫“Hypothermia’s a bitch. It ain’t quick like a stroke.” — Max Goldman
⚫“You watch your mouth, you damn Swede.” — Max Goldman
⚫“Good morning, dickhead.” — Max Goldman
Grumpy Old Men quotes about the crazy man
⚫“There are many fish In the sea but you’re the only one I’d want to stuff and mount over my fireplace.” — Max Goldman
⚫“Why don’t you do the world a favor and take your lower lip and pull it over your head and swallow?” — Max Goldman
⚫“Kids; can’t live with them. Can’t shoot ’em.” — Grandpa Gustafson
⚫“He started it.” — Max Goldman
⚫“Hey dickhead. You win the lottery?” — Max Goldman
⚫“We did the horizontal mambo.” — John Gustafson
⚫“A stroke’s no damn good; you could end up a vegetable! Give me a cardiac any day.” — John Gustafson
⚫“Mmmm… lesbians, yummy!” — Max Goldman
Verdict
Grumpier Old Men Quotes are a reminder that life should be enjoyed, no matter what age you are. They remind us that old age doesn‘t mean giving up on life, but rather, embracing it and making the most out of every moment. Through their humorous and wise words, they encourage us to take life less seriously and to make time for the people and things that matter most.