Erma bombeck was an american humorist and writer, who wrote about the joys and frustrations of everyday life. Her witty and humorous quotes are still relevant and often quoted today. Bombeck’s writing was often filled with humor and practical wisdom, and her work has inspired many. Her stories and observations on life and family have touched the hearts of many and remain timeless. This collection of erma bombeck quotes is a great reminder of the power of laughter and perspective.
Best Erma Bombeck Quotes
🔵 “There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.”
“My sister and I never engaged in sibling rivalry. Our parents weren’t that crazy about either one of us.”
🔵 “Time. It hangs heavy for the bored, eludes the busy, flies by the for young, and runs out for the aged.”
🔵 “Before you try to keep up with the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.”
🔵 “Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood. No one has ever gotten a religious experience out of removing burned-on cheese from the grill of the toaster oven.”
🔵 “If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?”
🔵 “I am not a glutton – I am an explorer of food.”
“If you can’t make it better, you can laugh at it.”
🔵 “If I had my life to live over I would have burned the pink candle sculpted like a rose before it melted in storage.”
🔵 “When you look like your passport photo, it’s time to go home.”
🔵 “The grass is always greener over the septic tank.”
🔵 “Some emotions don’t make a lot of noise. It’s hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint – like a heartbeat. And pure love – why, some days it’s so quiet, you don’t even know it’s there…”
🔵 “Cleanliness is not next to godliness. It isn’t even in the same neighborhood.”
🔵 “Marriage has no guarantees. If that’s what you’re looking for, go live with a car battery.”
🔵 “Let me put it this way. According to my girth, I should be a ninety-foot redwood.”
🔵 “With boys, you always know where you stand. Right in the path of a hurricane.”
🔵 “No One Diets on Thanksgiving.”
🔵 “Cleaning the house while the children are home is like shoveling while it’s still snowing.”
🔵 “The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one.”
“I have a theory about the human mind. A brain is a lot like a computer. It will only take so many facts, and then it will go on overload and blow up.”
🔵 “Don’t worry about who doesn’t like you, who has more, or who’s doing what.”
🔵 “Children make your life important.”
🔵 “As a graduate of the Zsa Zsa Gabor School of Creative mathematics, I honestly do not know how old I am.”
🔵 “When your mother asks, ‘Do you want a piece of advice?’ it is a mere formality. It doesn’t matter if you answer yes or no. You’re going to get it anyway.”
🔵 “If the nest is truly empty, who owns all this junk?”
🔵 “Shopping is a woman thing. It’s a contact sport like football. Women enjoy the scrimmage, the noisy crowds, the danger of being trampled to death, and the ecstasy of the purchase.”
🔵 “When humor go’s, there go’s civilization.”
🔵 “Never accept a drink from a urologist.”
🔵 “I used everything you gave me.”
🔵 “Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.”
🔵 “My theory on housework is, if the item doesn’t multiply, smell, catch fire, or block the refrigerator door, let it be. No one else cares. Why should you?”
🔵 “Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.”
🔵 “A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. “What shall we name the other one?” I smiled. She was not amused.”
🔵 “Know the difference between success and fame. Success is Mother Teresa. Fame is Madonna.”
🔵 “When you’re lecturing teenagers and they begin to hum and leave the room, you can sense there is hostility.”
🔵 “The term ‘working mother’ is redundant.”
🔵 “It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.”
🔵 “Worry is like a rocking chair: it gives you something to do but never gets you anywhere.”
🔵 “Kids need love the most when they’re acting most unlovable.”
🔵 “Pregnancy is the only time in a woman’s life she can help God work a miracle.”
🔵 “There’s nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.”
🔵 “Volunteers are the only human beings on the face of the earth who reflect this nation’s compassion, unselfish caring, patience, and just plain love for one another.”
🔵 “A child needs your love most when he deserves it least.”
🔵 “Seize the moment. Remember all those women on the ‘Titanic’ who waved off the dessert cart.”
Final Thoughts
Erma bombeck quotes quotes are full of wisdom and humor, making them perfect for any occasion. They provide a lighthearted perspective on life and make us laugh, lifting our spirits. Erma bombeck is a true master of the craft and her quotes are timeless.